The Work of Dog
FUCK!!!! today was FUCK!!!! Now i look at the mirror. I see a Failure. Useless being. I fail everyone including myself. I hurt someone i love the most. I cant even face her or give her a call. Its too much, Im such a failure, a prick and an asshole. I was at home alone all the way, I cried the whole day, with no one, except me and the mirror. There was no one there to talk to about my problems and walls were shoulders to lean on and shed my tears. My bed was my platform and my blanket embraced me. I punched the wall out of anger, angry with my useless sick unhealthy self, punched till they were swollen and blue. I took a needle and burst a swollen bubble and blood gushed out. too numb to feel pain, I told myself I deserved much more punishment, "what were u thinking stupid asshole!" i shouted at myself.
"My mistakes" that was in my mind the whole day. My sad lonely heart took over, i've lost the sense of laughter, i cant laugh or smile anymore, Even jokes or crappy stuff cant interest me as i just sit and stare at those psychedelic walls. I watched some shows on the computer the whole day for 9 hours straight, to keep my mind stable. But now its just unbearable. I cant take it. This heartache is just uncontrollable. I havent had a drink or eaten anything yet. I have lost sense of myself. My empty stomach groans in agony, i get into temporal dizzyness now and then but i dont care. Useless people dont deserve to live.Im useless. I'm sorry for being useless. now all i have is tuna sandwhiches and chocolate sandwhiches which should have been given to her. I'm a fuckbag.... Im fucking off from this place......... too depressing.... too much... I'm just human after all. Abnormal perhaps. I've lost my emotions. Now i dread looking at the mirror. Let the walls and my room conceal me from my shame.Im not sleeping tonight.
11:14 PM
Wired up and Stupyfied
Rosa Raz
Jared Arnold
Jacked in and Amplified
Lovin'
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